When it comes to OCD most people think that people with OCD can’t stop washing their hands or flipping a light switch. Some people are like that but not everyone. With my OCD I have more compulsion than obsessions.
I can’t function in the morning until my bed is properly made; no wrinkles, even on both side and hospital corners. I live in a constant state of anxiety, but I’ve also learned to use it for the better. In moments where I find myself overwhelmed, I begin to fidget with my hands. I tend to count every time my pointer finger touches my thumb, this continues until I’ve reached and even number and I’m fully calm.
I live in a perpetual state of what-if and know exactly how every possible scenario could play out. OCD is no small part of my life. Over the years it has played a huge part of my life. From how much I eat, how much time I spend doing certain things, and even how I spend the rest of my day. Even on good days there is a possibility that one tiny thought can change my entire day. If it can be counted then it has to be even, especially when it comes to food. I have always eaten in even numbers, counting out candy, how many times I put the spoon in my yogurt, even the number of vegetables and fruit slices I eat. become obsessed with the numbers, my brain is telling me so many things at one and my anxiety goes through the roof. But that’s only on really bad days.
Most of the time, I like my OCD. Telling people about it helps them understand my quirks that they eventually see. The best part of my OCD is that I owe so much of my success to it. Growing up it’s what pushed me to be so organized with school work and finishing and turning things in on time. I’ve learned to work incredibly well under pressure. When you live in a constant state of anxiety, whether it be a great amount or just a little bit, it helps you redirect that energy.
I still struggle with making decision because I over analyze everything. When given enough time I will finally come to a decision but it definitely takes a while. My brain is kind of like a complex machine, it’s what makes me, me.